Make America Kittens Again

Adorable Tomasina, available for adoption at the SFSPCA.

America, lend me your ear.

This has got to stop. We’ve fallen prey to the greatest con in the history of mankind. We sold our liberty not to Putin, but to something far more sinister: a reality TV personality. He has turned our fragile democracy into a particularly bad episode of the Jerry Springer show. But times a billion. And a billion times worse.

There’s only one solution. Everyone needs to install Make American Kittens Again, a browser extension that replaces images of these shysters with kittens. We also need to build one that rewrites every Trump headline as: “Wow, Look How Fucking Cute This Kitten Is!”

Better yet, Dear Media: Just do this for us. Every time Trump says anything, just write a story about a really cute kitten or cat. Include lots of pictures.

In case you were wondering, this is why we put all those cats on the internet in the first place.

Let’s end this reality show by deploying the cats and showing this administration who’s really in charge: we, citizens of the internet.

Internet: 1, Trump, et. al.: 0

Let’s do this.


Also published on Medium.